Posts Tagged ‘ Fake Nonfiction ’

“Opening Lines Of Stories That Will Never Be Written,” by Bill Kitcher

Sep 15th, 2021 | By

“Come to my chambers,” said Xara, the 2,000-year-old temptress empress to intrepid explorer Maximilian Wolfsburg over the sounds of advancing troops. “I wish to know more of what you call pasta.”

“Delicious is Over: Tough Dining is Here at Last,” by Eva Meckna

Sep 8th, 2021 | By

From the moment you enter the austere and tragically hip Konqrete Fuud Centre, you will be swept away by its passionate serenity. Cloisterlike in its stillness, the restaurant’s concrete walls, floor, ceiling, and accoutrements express a deep civility and liberating blankness. There are only eight tables in the 1,200 square foot room, each a lacquered slab of concrete sparsely surrounded by utterly tasteful concrete stumps. The ambience promotes the intense focus of savasana without the relaxation. One does not lounge at the KFC as much as one perches, aware and yet ineffably calm.

“Five Tips to Duodecuple Your Running Distance,” by Matt Meade

Aug 25th, 2021 | By

We’ve all been there. You get up early every day, hit the trail, try to maintain the right diet, pray to the owl god Moloch for stamina in your legs, but you can’t seem to run any farther or any faster than you did yesterday! This article has some helpful tips that are guaranteed to get you running up to twelve times further than you ever have before. You can get started today!!

“Dear Bigfoot,” by Jonathan McLelland

Aug 11th, 2021 | By

Please accept this as the cover letter for my story, Exactly What Happened to Me “That” Day, and Why.  I hope you like it.  But more than anything, I especially hope you get this letter and that you answer it.  I can’t tell you how excited I am.  Though you wouldn’t know it, I have quite a history with you, and seeing your name (Is Bigfoot your name?  If not, what is your name?) and your picture on the Defenestration website was such a bolt out of the blue that, well, it just has to be a sign.

“The Honor of Our Rejection,” by R. C. Barajas

Jul 21st, 2021 | By

We appreciate your faith in SHR to give your story the careful reading it deserves. Thank you for considering us. Please believe that reading this kind of unsolicited submission is a task we do not take upon our cardigan-clad shoulders without full acknowledgment of the heft of our responsibility. There is not a waking moment in which we do not gratefully hitch our hearts to the wagons of editorial duty and whip the steeds of literary glorification into a lather of somber consideration.