Archive for October, 2008
Defenestration: October 2008
Welcome, everyone, to the October 2008 issue of Defenestration. Halloween is right around the corner, which means November is also right around the corner. And you know what that means. (If you don’t know what that means, don’t feel embarrassed. I’m just using that as a lead in to my next sentence, which in fact [...]
“A Letter Responding to Complaints About TiVo Suggestions”, by John Frank Weaver
Dear Mr. Markham, Thank you for writing to TiVo, Inc. We are always delighted to hear from our subscribers, particularly when they offer us an opportunity to address concerns and improve TiVo service. Certainly, your letter qualifies. In it, you state that your TiVo is programmed to automatically record three programs every week: 24, WWE [...]
“Biting The Bullet”, by Remington Waters
Get up and go. Now? Yes now. Put on some pants and fly out that door. DO NOT under any circumstance stop to talk to Mrs. Butters. She is a modern day vampire. Those dentures are not for show. They are spring-loaded for ease of biting. When she opens her mouth, she feeds off the [...]
Bashing Broccoli by Ida Duplantier
A hundred beady eyes of green Look up at me. I’m filled with doubt. I know this stuff is sick and MEAN. I’m hungry but I’ll do without. Those steamy stems spur silent cries And though I try to be discreet, The barf begins to rise… and rise… I force it down. I WANT to [...]
“Dear Eric”, by Sean Raune
Dear Eric, Frank Sinatra wants to take your ape to the picture show because he has some extra money and he is inclined to do so. Allow him to do this. He will comport himself in a manner befitting the most respectful courtier. He takes a casual approach to apes; maybe a bite to eat [...]
Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before by E.K. Mortenson
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Mullah are on an airplane. Suddenly, the pilot comes over the intercom to say that they have to make a crash landing and that it doesn’t look good. As the plane begins a steep dive, each of the three holy men gather their respective believers together on the plane [...]
“Taking Sexy Back: Fashion Tips For Crime Fighters from the Law and Order SVU Team”, by Kelly Ferguson
We admit fighting crime is a tough job. Everyday some Park Avenue housewife strangles her plumber with a cock ring. You’re tired, you say, and your focus is on solving cases, not Seventh Avenue. Your dedication is to be admired — but that doesn’t excuse the polyester suit with dried mayo on the lapel. Sorry [...]
Dad and I and Not Responsible for Typographical Errors by Gerald So
Dad and I try to talk every morning and end up listening to talk radio Not Responsible For Typographical Errors I took a line out in the paper after Steve left town and got a dozen calls about my rates, when I could deliver, how I’d handle disposal, before I saw the reason: DOOM AVAILABLE. [...]
“Halloween As Usual”, by Andrew Kaye
———– Contrary to what you may think, AK is not a state.
“Counting On You”, by Megan Roth
___________________ Megan Roth is a writer and cartoonist recently transplanted Miami. Her first book, The Green Guide to Daily Living, will be available from Cliff Road Books and Amazon.com in November, 2008. She sells t-shirts at www.clikfish.com, and plays the piano tipsy and shoeless for a chorus of stuffed snowmen and feline companions on those [...]
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