Beloved Papa,

I am ever so delighted to find myself in Amsterdam at the dawn of the new age of floral wealth! Every person I greet in the city squares is aglow with the bright future of tulips and Dutch trade. I have heard stories in the salons that the Ottoman Sultan himself is investing most of his personal fortune in Dutch tulips! Although I intended only a short sojourn before beginning my studies at Leiden University, my plans have changed. I have become apprenticed to a merchant here in Amsterdam and shall represent him in his trade discussions with his British counterparts.

Internal TSA Memo

To All TSA Agents:

In the wake of recent airport security lapses, the TSA has devoted considerable time and energy to alternative screening techniques. Although the Administration’s initial planning focused on overt measures at the traditional security checkpoint – e.g., underwear checks, random full body cavity searches, etc. – further investigation has led Administration officials to believe that such efforts would not yield the desired results. Rather, our 18-month survey of airline passengers revealed that such added security would “enrage,” “annoy,” or “boil the blood of” 93.4% of the American public.

George Lucas: Attention everyone. My name is George Lucas, and as president of the National Association of Directors Who Ruin Childhood Memories, I would like to welcome you to our 2009 Mid-Year meeting. As you know, our mission is to identify beloved childhood memories, distort them, and then force an unsuspecting public to watch them.

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Greeting Card Industry We propose to add a new holiday to the traditional Gregorian calendar. Holidays inspire American consumers to purchase greeting cards, regardless of the nature of the holiday. People send Christmas cards, Valentine’s Day cards, Easter cards, Thanksgiving cards, and Halloween cards. Even minor holidays such as Arbor Day and International Talk Like

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Dear Mr. Markham, Thank you for writing to TiVo, Inc. We are always delighted to hear from our subscribers, particularly when they offer us an opportunity to address concerns and improve TiVo service. Certainly, your letter qualifies. In it, you state that your TiVo is programmed to automatically record three programs every week: 24, WWE

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