Dear Principal Andy Lendelsom,

I want to bring to your attention a situation involving your students with the hope that we can resolve this issue. The bus stop shelter in front of the 7-Eleven at the intersection of Price and Monroe is filled every day before school with your students smoking marijuana. They have apparently mistaken it for a clubhouse, wallpapered with advertisements for the seasonal return of traditional meals to fast food restaurants involving green coloring and fake rib molds.

I’m Bryce. There’s so much happening right now and my schedule is crammed to the gills that suddenly I went all genius and realized I needed to make one big, epic post to cover all I need to say. Get this: I need a job, am looking for a place to live, have a demo of my music I’m willing to give to anyone who can truly appreciate it, and I want to know who that sexy chick was at the gas station yesterday. I think we had a moment, so hopefully you check out Craigslist on the regular, sweetie.

Raymond Chandler once said that chess was as elaborate a waste of intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency. Still, it had always been a human waste. As a last redoubt of the rarified mind, it was an irresistible target for programmers and purveyors of the new “thinking machines.” By the 1980s, computers had reached a level of sophistication that allowed them to challenge a grand master. As it happened, the world’s greatest chess player in the mid-80’s was a restless genius named Garry Kimovich Kasparov (pronounced “Gary” in Russian).

Now if you’re anything like me, you’re British, wear only white socks and sometimes cry yourself to sleep. You’ve also had it up to here with these constant Marijuana-related revelations. Every day it’s either The Sun printing some story about an asthmatic 95-year-old AIDs victim dying after one joint, or it’s some heavily-dreaded druggie’s blog stating that the enigmatic herb can now cure cancer. As you can imagine, it pleased me to no end when a new study sauntered in and debunked every single one of these mad-hat theories, as well as shedding some light on the drug for us non-users.

Good evening, internet audience. My name is Nick Hilbourn and, yes, I am a father and a competent authority on parental advice. It came to my realization around 2:34 am this morning that children ask many, many questions. They are curious beings. As parents we should usually encourage these questions, although we should discourage stupid questions.