It happens fast.

First you refuse to eat anything with a face.

Milk, eggs, and cheese soon follow.

Anita envied the wind-chimes. Their moans taunted her as she knocked on the oak door. She needed to steady her breath, so she allowed herself to slump, back flat, against the frame of the house. She hadn’t made much progress when the door creaked open. Anita leapt off of the siding, but she didn’t see who she was expecting. “Sorry. I must have made a mistake. I—”

My steamer died
I’m so depressed
I have to wear a wrinkled dress

A Portland, Oregon, man yesterday apologized for an apparently offensive apology he made earlier in the week. “I realize now that this past apology too ardently articulated a deep remorse for an incident that some did not find offensive in the first place, and I sincerely apologize for offending anyone whom I did not originally offend with my contrition. This is not the man I am,” he said.

Roids, juice, gym candy, muscle crack, vitamin T, anabolic angel dust, the devil’s apple juice. Whether it be for crushing baseballs or crushing pussy, every guy thinks about taking steroids at least once in his life, and if you’re reading this it’s because you’ve hit that crossroads in your life.