My wife Carol said something really sweet and profound to me the other day. I wish I’d muted the TV long enough to catch it all.

Carol starts every day by saying, “I love you.” I respond by asking her who she’s on the phone with.

#13: Day / night indicator, indicates whether it is day or night in the vicinity where you are. You must first set dial “B” though, so that the watch knows which time zone you are in and dial “E” so that it knows whether or not your zone uses daylight savings time. One way to check whether you have correctly set dials “B” and “E” is by going outside and looking at the sky. You may also utilize a window looking toward the outdoors for this same purpose if one is available.

A giant shark-eating mosasaur kept in a lagoon like a gold fish in a bowl. A tyrannosaurus rex confined to a terrarium as if it were a mere iguana. Hundreds upon hundreds of pterodactyls crammed into an aviary like so many chickens at a factory farm. These are the deplorable conditions PETA found during an undercover investigation of the dinosaur exploiting theme park Jurassic World. And we cannot stress enough just how many pterodactyls were in that aviary.

During this time, all books were Harry Potter. There wasn’t a government edict or anything. It just happened over time. No one missed the dusting, although most people still owned real copies of the seven books. There’s just something about a real book.

I miss you, baby.

I miss the way you used to read me the morning obituaries in your best sexy voice. That always reminded me to be thankful I’m alive. I miss the way you used to coerce me to sit on the scale at the grocery store self-checkout to hear the machine voice tell me how much I’d cost if I were an artichoke. That always reminded me that my life had value.