In 1968, Waiting for Bukowski was released to extreme critical and popular acclaim. The film followed the life of one Chuck B. Bukowski, a fire hydrant from Brooklyn, New York, and the woman he loved.

The apathetic pre-adolescent child’s tendency towards whining and boredom when required to participate in a family vacation event has been documented by child psychologists. One method of entertaining a child who prefers video games to outside activity was tested on a 10-year-old male subject. The subject was given a slice of Italian bread and instructed to offer it to a flock of laughing gulls in order observe the length of time he would interact with the birds and if he would have a positive reaction, thereby indicating amusement and providing his parents with an extended period of time devoid of disgruntled complaints during which they might dilute their emotional fatigue with an inhibition-lowering ethyl alcohol.

Poop deck—where you walk about on the boat. The classic rude boating term.

Head—the toilet on a boat, and also a term for oral sex that Lou Reed thought rhymes with “head” (I know, it’s the same word!).

Abreast—when two boats lay together in a way the Bible probably frowns upon; a boob.

Dear feminists complaining about blue liquid in feminine hygiene commercials,

We accede to your demands and have heard your cries! No longer will we use blue liquid in tampon and pad commercials. Following the rupture of our respective eardrums after being nagged to death by the sound of your shrill voices, the men of Ladies’ Choice Feminine Care propose a peace offering.

Attention, Potential Bands:

So maybe you’re a group of old college buddies who’ve rallied around the idea that it’s your Duty to Transform The World through the power of Great Art (in this case, Art equals Music, and nothing else at all, right? Wrong! Read on).