Get up and go. Now? Yes now. Put on some pants and fly out that door. DO NOT under any circumstance stop to talk to Mrs. Butters. She is a modern day vampire. Those dentures are not for show. They are spring-loaded for ease of biting. When she opens her mouth, she feeds off the

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Dear Eric, Frank Sinatra wants to take your ape to the picture show because he has some extra money and he is inclined to do so. Allow him to do this. He will comport himself in a manner befitting the most respectful courtier. He takes a casual approach to apes; maybe a bite to eat

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Mullah are on an airplane. Suddenly, the pilot comes over the intercom to say that they have to make a crash landing and that it doesn’t look good. As the plane begins a steep dive, each of the three holy men gather their respective believers together on the plane

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We admit fighting crime is a tough job. Everyday some Park Avenue housewife strangles her plumber with a cock ring. You’re tired, you say, and your focus is on solving cases, not Seventh Avenue. Your dedication is to be admired, but that doesn’t excuse the polyester suit with dried mayo on the lapel. Sorry boys,

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Dad and I try to talk every morning and end up listening to talk radio Not Responsible For Typographical Errors I took a line out in the paper after Steve left town and got a dozen calls about my rates, when I could deliver, how I’d handle disposal, before I saw the reason: DOOM AVAILABLE.

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