All entries by this author

Vampire On The Back Of My Head

Jun 25th, 2010 | By

I can’t think of a better tattoo than a face on the back of someone’s head. I’m sure someone has done this in real life, although I haven’t seen any examples. It’s probably terrifying.



Abridged Classics: Lorna Doone

Jun 24th, 2010 | By

If there is one thing I love in this world, one thing it’s impossible to ruin, it is a period piece that brings together a talented cast. It’s a chance to discover the next big thing; a chance to enjoy those who have been chosen to work together because they’re at the top of their

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“Litter,” by Patricia Mitchell

Jun 23rd, 2010 | By

At the risk of sounding like a bitter, barren old shrew, your kids aren’t that cute. I can tell by the way you’re smiling and applauding them that this is their first time throwing their own garbage away in a public trashcan, but I don’t need to be a part of this milestone in your child’s life. Please save the lessons and the exercises for home or the classroom and keep them out of my local Panera.



Steampunks

Jun 18th, 2010 | By

The truth is, Winslow and Kurt are only into steampunk because they like to have an excuse to wear goggles. It was either steampunk, or become professional swimmers. And steampunk didn’t require shaving off their body hair.



“Transcript: Enraged Man to Milton Bradley,” by Drew Dickerson

Jun 16th, 2010 | By

Listen. I’m trying not to sound too terribly accusatory here. But you guys have caused me no small amount of irreversible psychological damage over the years. Observe: Don’t Break the Ice, Don’t Spill the Beans, Don’t Wake Daddy. “Don’t do this! Don’t do that!” Your board games are ripe with such negative language—and during the formative years, no less!