Is playing volleyball acceptable for men? My friend used to make fun of me because I did spinning classes every now and then and he called me “girly” so I decided to make fun of him because he played rec volleyball. I consider volleyball a girl’s sport, like synchronized swimming. I do girly athletic things

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Full confession: My mom had a red vest that looked suspiciously like the ones worn by organ grinder monkeys. I thought it was the greatest single article of clothing ever. I used to wear it around the house, pretending I was an organ grinder monkey while a never-ending cycle of make-believe barrel organ music tooted and oom-paa’d in my head.

Good morning, and welcome aboard Jetsky Airways flight 1015 to Seattle. We’ll be taking off momentarily, so at this time we ask you to disable and stow all electronic devices. Please keep in mind that cell phones may not be used on board the plane at any time. If you have a cell phone, it is to remain in your baggage, unused and alone, waiting for you to return, fighting feelings of resentment while still wondering if you’ll ever love it the same way you used to.

I’ve slept through a lot of things, but I don’t know if I could sleep through this. I’m thinking Winslow must have used some powerful drugs, which makes me wonder 1.) where he got them and 2.) where he was storing them, since his bedroom burned down last week. I don’t question how he got them. As usual, the assisting criminal element here was probably tiny clowns.

I want to write a book that will make a lot of people very angry. I call it Harry Goes to Disneyland. It will start with the protagonist, Harry, on an airplane, a baby behind him screaming. Then he will arrive at his destination: Disneyland! Only Disneyland is closed. The airplane will have lost his luggage, and the hotel his reservation. From there, things will go downhill. Harry will be forced to stay with his ex-wife’s parents, who will constantly ask him why a grown man wants to go to Disneyland by himself. (Their voices will be nasal, and I will write their speech in dialect.) Finally, on Harry’s last day in town, Disneyland will re-open. Harry will spend hours looking for a parking spot, and someone will hit his rental car. After completing two hours of paperwork, he will spend the rest of the day waiting in lines. Although he will get to go on a couple of rides, they will be incredibly disappointing. The novel will end with Harry back on a plane, another baby screaming. I am certain that this novel will sell millions.