Most wizards’ power comes directly from their hats. The hats actually act as second brains, because the majority of spells are so incredibly complex the average person has no way of storing more than a handful at a time. Truly great wizardry requires a substantial repertoire, and so the standard issue wizard hat is employed to store all the spells the wizard can’t remember on their own. Strange but true!
Thanks for buying my e-book, How to Get Your Humor Published! It’s always great to meet a fellow writer. Getting published is easy; all it takes is a little jar of elbow grease, this e-book and a computer.
Like me, I’m sure you’ve heard it over and over again: “The only way to become a great writer is to keep writing” or “there are no shortcuts in life” or “you can’t be a writer, you’re helplessly illiterate.” I assure you, these are nothing but ludicrous things parents tell their children before bed and after college.
You have access to a thesaurus and a checking account, there’s no reason your humor shouldn’t be published.
I’ve been slowly adding to Annie’s strange family dynamic ever since I blessed her with insanity way back when. Dinners like this can only happen in the winter, when Annie’s parents are around. She throws open all the windows, piles snow along the walls, and cooks a nice spaghetti dinner. Luckily, the cold also helps Robot Ben operate at maximum efficiency, and his conversations are a lot better than his usual repertoire of quotations from John C. Reilly movies and early episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Have you ever been so excited it hurts? Then I guess you understand how I feel right now. Because my husband just told me we’re getting a new mailbox. That’s right, freaks. I said MAILBOX. As in, that philatelic hot spot in front of your house where the letters come and go. Six days a week. Rain or shine. And not just letters but other mail too. Like utility bills. And pre-approved credit card offers. And random flyers from guys who paint. Sometimes a fat wad of Valpak coupons even creeps up in there. Hell yes it does!
Dear Jonathan, I’m still pissed off I didn’t get an iPad for Christmas. What are some things you wanted for Christmas that your parents didn’t get you because they were bastards? There were three things I consistently asked for Christmas when I was growing up: a good book, a pony and a cape. I
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