My dining partner (a young man whose most singular talent is an ability to laugh-snort milk through his nose virtually on demand) and I entered the dining establishment hungry and eager for a pleasant midday culinary experience. The restaurant was “cafeteria” style, meaning that we chose our meals from a steam-shrouded and ambrosial variety of possibilities, effulgent in their pristine stainless steel serving containers.

Whenever I hear chefs or cooking enthusiasts or members of the Recipe Card Guild talk about ingredients, I can’t help but think they’re making things up. They could do it, too, and no one would be the wiser. Even other chefs. It’s probably an unspoken rule among chefs that they aren’t supposed to call one another out on made up herbs and spices.

Mad Men is a popular show on {previously obscure acronym} about Madison Avenue during the industry’s golden era: the early {decade often portrayed using broad generalizations and hackneyed, one-dimensional stereotypes}. The show has received much acclaim, particularly for its verisimilitude and perspicacity in capturing the zeitgeist of the period, which is a phrase that the {synonym for “affected pedants”} who watch Mad Men would understand but you probably don’t.

Just because something’s cute doesn’t mean it should get free bread. Like baby ducks. Those jackasses need to get their own damn bread. Earn it like the rest of us.

To All Employees in our Shelton office:

In recognition of the hard work and excellent business performance results of our Shelton employees, we are pleased to announce that our dress code for the summer will be casual attire from Monday, July 2nd through Friday, August 31st.

Acceptable Casual Attire includes:
– Blue jeans or jeans of any modest color (not green). No ripped, torn or bedazzled denim please. Jean shorts are acceptable only with a doctor’s note. Acid-washed denim must be of Bon Jovi quality or higher.
– All polo shirts. As outlined in our corporate mission statement, polo shirts are the highest exemplar of the business casual ideal. Through polo shirts, all things are permitted and all transgressions are made right.