You have one hour to complete the following exam.

1. Your best friend asks what you think of her new yellow couch. Which of the following is not an appropriate response?

A) Pointing out that, as a licensed interior designer, you can’t comment until you receive a retainer.
B) Pointing out that the color is “goldenrod,” not yellow.
C) Pointing out that the piece is a “sofa,” not a couch.
D) Pointing out that it is late, and you must be going.

Remember the time (read: the 80s) when phones (the kinds with cords) were made to look like things? Like, you could buy a phone shaped like a shoe or a football, and everyone would marvel at how quirky or eccentric or whimsical you were. Our cell phones haven’t quite reached that phase yet. We can get fancy covers for them, but I don’t think anyone’s designing mass-market cell phones that look like things other than phones. I want a cell phone shaped like a frog or a slice of pizza or… well, a rock.

If I had a talking dog I would train it to have a reasonable debate with the postman rather than viciously attacking him. It could politely ask:

“What are you doing in my garden? Please get out of my garden.”

And the postman would reply:

“Please don’t be cross, I have letters for you, they are replies from all those celebrities you write to.”

At long last, we reach the final showdown in Strong Female Characters Battle Royale. We started with eight glorious challengers and have made it to the final two: Violet Crawley vs. Jessica Fletcher: I am proud to say that both of these ladies feature the arse-kicking attributes of a champion. But first, let us not

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The dialogue in today’s strip is absolutely real. I heard it at a local Burger King several months ago (which just goes to show how long I’ve waited before uploading this).

Basically, the manager of this particular Burger King is a fast-food stereotype: short, overweight, balding, pasty, and greasier than the hamburgers. The poor guy was probably in his mid-thirties but looked like he was ten years older. His staff consisted entirely of teenagers, and it was easy to see that they didn’t take this guy seriously.