Am I the only one who breaks down into a terrible rage when an item I’ve ordered is delayed? My phone will buzz in my pocket, and I’ll get an e-mail telling me that my copy of the complete Conan the Adventurer animated series and my Yoshi-shaped pillow are delayed, and I’ll stomp around complaining about how I have to wait an extra day and how all my plans for the weekend are officially ruined. Happens all the time.

Friends, supporters, colleagues, distinguished guests… all people I’d rather see than the degenerates and scumbags seated before me now.

Winslow is a lot of fun at parties, but he doesn’t go to many these days. You should probably invite him to your next event. I promise he’ll eat all of your food and scare away all of your guests by the end of the night.

You’re at Whole Foods or some similar place somewhere else. Just being there makes you feel good, hip, organic. You walk down the wide, splendid aisle. You remember what your doctor said about dairy products and you are, once again, determined to cut them out. All that fat.

Presenting: the last of these ridiculous time travel comics. And this one is even more ridiculous than the others. Probably.