1. How do you welcome your new Mormon neighbors? (a) I tell them Mormons are the just the nicest people, then ask them to watch my dogs while I’m in Maui for a month. (b) I formulate a rescue plan that includes college football and a seven-layer bean dip when the husband slips me a

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This is a lot of vending machines full of products I’ve never seen before. I think Winslow and Kurt must still be in Japan.

In a statement to the press this week, Coca Cola reflected on the recent release of their new marketing campaign—“Share a Coke, Passive Aggressively.”

This is the second time Winslow has been hanging around in someone else’s bathroom when legs are being shaved. I swear I don’t have a weird thing about this sort of thing, but being married for a million years gives you a fascinating look at women’s grooming habits, and I feel like I need to share this information with all the single guys out there who have an unrealistic view of womanhood.

I’m not disabled, just a terrible person. The boyfriend sometimes accuses me of being manic when I write to him at 3:30 a.m. calling him a magnificent, exotic pitcher plant or a gorgeously ornamented egg-cup. But not disabled — I feel like that’s an important piece of information before we start.