Congratulations!

You’ve been accepted to the Asshole Upstairs Association! You are now a part of one of the largest growing populations in the world. This elite group of dick heads have been chosen as some of the shittiest, most inconsiderate people in the world. If you have no idea how your actions affect people, welcome home! The other 700,834 members of this society don’t understand that, either!

I will not apologize for the pun in the title.

“Welcome to Mike’s Non-Denominational Burger Restaurant. My name is Emma and I am a digital assistant. You can speak to me in full sentences, just like a real person. I have thoughts and opinions, just like a real person. My favorite color is purple. I like the Boston Celtics. I find Wes Anderson to be pretentious. How can I help you today?”

Winslow has already proven himself to be an adept writer of fantasy fiction and romance, so it’s about time he try his hand at a little horror.

Dear Applicant,

You are not a fit the Creative Strategist / Thought Leader Associate role you applied for. We’ve also deemed you unfit for general living on planet earth. Fuck you.