WARNING: Reading this comic may cause sweats, shakes, spontaneous combustion, vomiting, squidmouth, separation of soul from body, vampirism, Lincolnism, arachnophilia, unexplained handsomeness, gnome infestations, and chestbursters.

Thanks for your e-mail. I’m out of the office right now, but I’ll reply as soon as I can. If you require immediate assistance, please contact Nicole Michaels at extension 4235. Your message is important to me.

Note that by “right now” I don’t mean now now, but rather then now, because I’m actually here while I compose this message, but I’ll be gone by the time you receive it, at some future now.

Did I really just use that lame title? I totally just used that lame title. So here’s a lame joke to go along with that lame title, just to balance things out.

Don’t know what to make for dinner? How about the old stand-by, chicken? But don’t worry, you can jazz it up in ten different mouth-watering ways. These recipes are quick, easy, and completely serious.