Archive for May 2012

“Summer Dress Code Policy,” by Dan Schmecker

May 30th, 2012 | By

To All Employees in our Shelton office:

In recognition of the hard work and excellent business performance results of our Shelton employees, we are pleased to announce that our dress code for the summer will be casual attire from Monday, July 2nd through Friday, August 31st.

Acceptable Casual Attire includes:
– Blue jeans or jeans of any modest color (not green). No ripped, torn or bedazzled denim please. Jean shorts are acceptable only with a doctor’s note. Acid-washed denim must be of Bon Jovi quality or higher.
– All polo shirts. As outlined in our corporate mission statement, polo shirts are the highest exemplar of the business casual ideal. Through polo shirts, all things are permitted and all transgressions are made right.



Good Will Bromance

May 29th, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, My best friend and I have been joined at the hip since high school. We’re two normal married guys, but now we’re labeled as a “bromance” and everyone seems to judge us strangely for it. What should we do? A few years ago, I went to Hooters. A lady friend of mine had

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Pride of My Ancestors

May 25th, 2012 | By

WARNING: Today’s comic contains images of a blurry penis in a jar. If you’re offended by blurry penises in jars, you probably shouldn’t look at today’s comic. If you’re at work, you also probably shouldn’t look at today’s comic, unless you’re a urologist and penises are part of the job.



“NEW YORK: A Practical Guide For Reference When Queried on the Structures and Appurtenances of New York City,” by Carl Foster

May 23rd, 2012 | By

New York was invented in 1825 as a settlement for skydwellers—otherworldly beings that could only acclimate themselves to ground existence by gradually living lower and lower in altitude. This “Great Migration from the Skyspace” as discussed by Dr. M.J. Fox in his L’Hommes Lunare Et Skie was carried out through many of the tallest buildings still standing in New York today, just as they were in the year 1825.



Your Mom Thinks I’m Great

May 21st, 2012 | By

Many of us like to believe that we’re simply better at some aspects of life than other people. Perhaps you’re a chess whiz, can easily spot the difference between real and fake hair (I minored in it), or know how to dispose of a dead body. All of us are a little better at some

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