Editor’s note: Today’s fake nonfiction is unusual in that it’s not so much an article as a pamphlet, and for accuracy’s sake it’s presented as such. The link below will take you to a PDF version. For best results, print out, fold in half, and, after reading, leave it in the back seat of a New York taxi.

NEW YORK: A Practical Guide For Reference When Queried on the Structures and Appurtenances of New York City, called “the Nougat Canoe,” and the numerous Inhabitants Which Typify the Region as Such. By Archibald Tingles, M.D

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Carl Foster lives in New Orleans in a single room above an embroidery shop. He is 27, lives well, is a graduate student, and loves his deaf chihuahua.