The old year is ending, the new year is beginning, and this is how I’ve decided to mark the occasion. A penis joke. Yes, yes, my maturity knows no bounds. Let’s all either 1.) Party or 2.) Lay around the house all night and do absolutely nothing until the stroke of midnight.
Dear Uncle Jay:
My friend Irwin’s favorite song is “Angie Baby,” sung by Helen Reddy. What he likes about it is the line, It’s so nice to be insane/no one asks you to explain…Irwin thinks that insane people have it made. He says that they are excused from the rules of conduct required from the rest of us, that they can be as rude as they want. Of course, Irwin’s idea of good manners is to raise his pinkies while chugging a 40 oz. of malt liquor at a PTA meeting, but is he finally right about something?
A diagnosis
of psychosis
is not good cause
to dis the hostess.
Merry Christmas, everyone! (You can ignore that salutation if you don’t celebrate Christmas, or if you are offended by the word “Christmas” and prefer the word “Xmas,” or if you don’t like either word because one is clearly religious while the other is clearly pornographic, or if you just hate holidays in general.)
The December 2010 issue Defenestration is here. And by “here,” I literally mean here. As in right here. Or at least several lines below here, which is just as good. Or so I’m told.
This holiday season (Christmas, Hanukah or one of its various alternate spellings, Kwanzaa, Festivus, the 13th Feast of Shub Niggurath, Saint Radagast’s Day, and so on), give your friends and family the gift of Defenestration. This month’s issue is so good that you will feel compelled to print it off, wrap it up in fancy paper, and give it to everyone you know. Because the best kind of gift is the kind that’s easy on your wallet, and Defenestration is free, free, free.
The average lifespan of a mosquito is between three days and one hundred years, although it is reported that one mosquito will never die. This is referred to as the Alpha Mosquito and is held in high regard by certain tribes in North Africa.