Defenestration: February 2008

Welcome to the hallowed pages of Defenestration’s February 1008 issue.
It’s coming people. A few days from now, February 29th, that great cosmic miscalculation, will rear its ugly head. How can you, the concerned citizen of the world, prevent the disasters that are sure to follow in the wake of this day that doesn’t really exist? [...]

“tequila shakes,” by Richard Lighthouse

mix 2 parts anxiety
1 heap ice cream
4 ounces tequila.
shake vigorously. (the drink,
not yourself.)
repeat until
you
shake
vigorously.
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Richard Lighthouse is a contemporary writer and poet. He holds an M.S. from Stanford University.
His work has been published in: The Penwood Review, West Hills Review, Mudfish, and many others worldwide.

“Everything I Need to Know I Learned from my Spam Folder,” by John Calvin Hughes

Somebody left me a lot of money in Nigeria.
Drugs are cheaper through the mail.
From Canada.

Love is just a click away.
Someone is waiting to meet me.
My perfect mate is waiting for me!

But I really should enlarge my penis.

Jesus saved. Now I can too.
On my mortgage.
But time is running out to apply.

Bad credit is okay.
I didn’t know [...]

2 Poems by Tom Noe

The Toad
One night in the spring of 1887, a strange happening shocked the inhabitants of Crockcaster County, England. An entire village was completely destroyed by crushing, apparently by some as yet unidentifiable species of giant toad. Professor Hepple Prinkle has recently made available diary accounts as taken down by himself, contemporaneously with the events.
The entry [...]

“Analysis of the Boy in the Dining Hall,” by Mary Catherine Owen

He sits alone, eating his lunch with rapid, determined motions. Once one bite of food has been thoroughly chewed, his fingers fly up with another morsel, wasting no time in useless swallowing and digesting. Dainty sips are taken from the clear liquid in his glass, which holds a single straw; the ketchup bottle has been [...]

“Let’s Talk This Over,” by Luke Poling

I consider myself a man of my word. Someone you can count on. Someone who will be there for you. So, when I heard that some of you had taken my words and actions out of context and misunderstood my original intentions, well, I was crestfallen. It was never my intention to slander, defame, or [...]

The Artist & the Alchemist, Kevin C. Smith

They were saying that I’d lost my edge. After ten years the angst and dread that had infused my early paintings and established my, rather tenuous, notoriety in the art world had largely dissipated. Not wanting to repeat myself after my early success I, naturally, sought other more mature modes of expression and [...]

“Suitcase Blues,” by Christopher Hivner

Ronnie MacKenzie’s gangly body tripped across his bedroom giddily. When he reached the closet, he flung open the door and grabbed hold of his old suitcase that Grandpa Angus had brought over from the old country. The black color was terribly faded now, and the metal pieces were showing rust, but in the end, how [...]

“Instructions for Reading This Story,” by Sarah Salway

1. Do not assume that just because the story ends with the man and the woman not living happily ever after that the author has problems in her own relationships.
2. A cat can sometimes be just a cat. It is not necessarily a metaphor for death, or motherhood, or even Derrida’s theory of Difference. Perhaps [...]

“Clues Blues,” by Wakman111

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White knuckling a pencil since the womb, Wakman111 has pushed out comics faster than his eraser’s lifespan. He has created over 20 comics since first grade: from his first comic character, “ERASERMAN,” a time traveling war veteran, to his most recent comics: “Butcher Shop” and the MS series. Self-sheltered from pop-culture and MTV alike… he knows [...]