Marc and Daphne have agreed to go on a blind date. But it may never come about because in the restaurant’s parking lot, both wait in their respective cars, not wanting to make it seem that they arrived first. Why is this, you may ask? Because Marc and Daphne are narcissists. Once they notice each other waiting, they have no choice but to exit their cars, approach and pretend that what happened did not.

We’re just about done here, then on to HR for your employee identification card. I just need to finish securing the device to your wrist. Please don’t attempt to remove it. The electronic lock can only be opened by a company representative upon termination.

No, not termination in the sense of dying. In the sense of termination of employment. Although it could be said, from the company’s perspective, that once you’re terminated you’re “dead” to us.

It was four in the morning and Douglas was sweating, the harsh Alaska sunlight blasting through the window of his efficiency cube.

“Hell!” Douglas said, the worst word he could say without risking a fine.

He sat up and fumbled for the air conditioner. His cube was such that he could reach almost everything, from door knob to toilet handle, while sitting in bed. Douglas turned all the dials on the AC unit and checked the plug seven times. He was about to kick it again when he saw that his alarm clock was blank.

“The power is out?” Douglas asked aloud. “Then why do I smell squid-waffles, huh?”

all you need in life is bread, grapes, wine, a wedge of Swiss cheese, a fork, a spoon, a man in high boots looking through a hand-held telescope, a man in a flying contraption who tries to steal the telescope.

When it showers the frog shall deign
to regale the world about his reign,