You learn quickly, working in court, that justice is blind but the courthouse is not.
The courthouse sees everything.
It sees who is late, who is lying, who is about to cry in the bathroom, and who still believes a color-coded binder can protect them from consequence. It sees who says “Your Honor” like a prayer and who says it like a threat.
It also sees wool.
Alex arrived thirty minutes early so he could choose the largest chair in the room. All the chairs looked nearly identical, but his was slightly larger. He arranged the others in a circle around it and nudged his own chair six inches forward. On a nearby table he displayed three framed certificates. One proclaimed him Founder and Visionary of the First Narcissist Club and had been presented to Alex by Alex. Another named him Member of the Month. The third awarded him a Lifetime Achievement Award.
You went to Canada for Garth. Your digital courtship brief, but consuming. After hours of searching underground blogs for the perfect venue for your first in-person meet, you found, and now sit in, the hippest bar in all of Canada, while pretending it’s the Ace Hotel. You’re on a love seat in an empty corner, enjoying your trademark root beer float. Just the thought of Garth sets the butterflies in your stomach aflutter. As you sip your delicious frozen subtlety you wonder what will happen when he does walk through that door, where will you go, what will you end up doing?
Hey Mama, I know a pack of starving zombies is rapidly approaching our house, but I’d like to try putting my socks on by myself today.
I can see what you’re thinking: Why the socks, why today? I believe it was Dr. Maria Montessori who said, “It is necessary that the child teach himself, and then—”
Big reaction! Do you need the Calm Down Corner? Some belly breaths?
Those dishes in the sink will not get done, so you may as well stop asking about them. And if you dare raise the subject again I will continue to reply using passive constructions, as the dishes exist in a realm that has nothing to do with me, though relatively speaking they are beneath me. That should explain damn-near everything, but given your countenance, I feel obliged to elaborate.