A comprehensive report released Tuesday by Yale University researchers states that men are much more sexually aroused by figuring out the best way to fit items inside of a car than they are when performing coitus with any partner.

1. The three laws of Robotics prevent robots from harming humans. I have harmed humans, mostly emotionally.

2. Robots can be reprogrammed. I cannot be. I am stuck with values were determined by my upbringing, relentless peer pressure and what I see on social media.

“The Nobel Prize is awarded to the person who has done the greatest benefit to humankind”. Well, I have. I’ve been taking birth control pills for over 15 years.

Where to begin? With your relentless negativity? That snotty list of what Wikipedia is not? Not a dictionary, publisher of original thought, means of promotion, blog, memorial site, manual, guidebook, textbook, or scientific journal. Not censored. (Sez who!?!) A nihilistic orgy of not-ness. Contributors (or, to use your cloying jargon, Wikipedians) are told to “Be bold!” Yet boldness, one soon learns, invites retaliation—with accusations and insults including, but hardly limited, to “blatant hoax” (Speedy Deletion Criterion G3) and “no indication of importance” (SDC A7).

No particle of dust would dare occasion to life and every speck of fingernail dirt is manicured to death in those matrimonial homes where attention to detail is a time-honored virtue and everything smells of the same multipurpose detergent, like bedsheets in sad hotels. Those houses are policed by unimpressed Virgos who massage their furniture with spit and wash their mopheads as frequently as their hair. If living inside a toothpaste tube were a social norm, those homeowners would be the forebearers of an all-white nation.