Hey there. It’s me. Yeah, me – the box of lettuce you bought two weeks ago and haven’t touched since. I see the shame on your face when you look at me in the fridge. And you know what? I love it.

As many of you know, The Bottomless Cup Initiative had its genesis in pending legal action against restaurant chains advertising Bottomless Cup Refills. It was at the request of several such establishments, as well as the larger umbrella organization, that we began our research. We regarded the initial five million dollar grant as generous, and perhaps naively, sufficient. Today I wish to apprise you of our efforts and results thus far.

Prone: In Praise of Lethargy

Campbell Somerville, Michaels College Press, 2011, 275 pps. (paper)

Written over the course of thirty years and still unfinished at his death in 2010, hermetic Professor Somerville’s pensées on the value of inaction were found in his university apartment along with his partially decomposed body.

“An unbelievable find” — David Larsen, Michaelstown Fire Chief. Only $9.95

Once again, the Educational Toys Collaborative is publishing its review of new educational toys and kits now on the market. As before, we have tested all of the kits and make suggestions as to potential hazards or possible improvements in each case.

Okay, so there’s a flood. A man is caught in it, and he climbs up onto the roof of his house in order to escape the water. As he’s sitting there, another man comes by in a raft.

“Jump in!” the man says. “We can row to safety!”

The man on the roof says, “No, leave me. I have faith that God will save me.”

So the man in the raft paddles away.