Let’s face it, my shtick was tired even from the beginning. The beret and shades, the lazy jive slang? No one wants to be around me, with my pathological neediness to be loved. Always trying so hard to ingratiate myself with the embarrassing charade of my “good taste:” the painting, music, poetry. Faked an interest in modern art I couldn’t stand, hired an interior decorator I couldn’t afford.

Doris Abernathy Springland 2 hr ago
I just heard a really loud noise like a banging does anyone know what it was?

First off: I don’t care that you’re a hunchback. It’s 100% fine. This is not about that, okay?

I was driving and you were a pedestrian, but let’s get this straight – you almost hit me. Not the other way around.

Dearest Annelise–

I am truly sympathetic to your difficulties in naming your newest cookbook, and fully understand and support your desire to use a single-word title. Your previous cookbooks–Eat, Bite, Munch, and Devour–sold crisply when they came out, and have continued to do well. As your agent, however, I just don’t think that Masticate works as a title.

Press release: Jean-Michel de la Rosarie, the brilliant new nose of Parfums le Nez, has created a line of niche fragrances that accompany the chic suburban woman from alarm clock’s first buzz to final check of socials before lights out.