Don’t be fooled by low-grade substitutes from feedlot urine mills. Feel the difference pure LlamaLift capsules can make. 

You demand peak performance in every area of your life. Your camelid nutraceuticals should meet those same high standards. 

NIBBLES
Assorted artisanal one-night stands sourced from local colleges (guaranteed 18 and over)
Grilled weekend warrior salad with a bad boy vinaigrette and Kawasaki fumes
Married co-worker aspic on a wilted marital bed

So there you are, all positive vibes. Telling yourself today’s the day, carpe diem. Open your email, all bated breath, and there it is—your umpteenth rejection. Now, some anonymous assistant to the assistant editor has knocked your dick in the dirt. It’s another existential crisis.

A few times a year, I meet up with some of my college friends ($80k annual tuition) from a seminar called Poverty and Inequality. We bonded over a group project where we had to create a PowerPoint about where we think that the Poverty Line should be drawn. (Are you living in poverty if you don’t have WiFi? What if you’re just off the grid?)

After a few $21 martinis, the same conversation always comes up. The perennial riddle: is there a such thing as ethical consumption under capitalism?

The room was festooned with garlands and tinsel. Pinecones and sprigs of holly were taped to the walls, and a foamy blanket of fake snow covered the teacher’s desk. On the chalkboard was a crude drawing of a late-model SUV, along with some dollar signs and percentages.