Woke up 7:33 a.m. Urinated, got the coffee maker going.
Hold it. Let me clarify—the urine didn’t get the coffee maker going. I switched the coffee maker on with my hands. After getting out of bed and before turning on the coffee maker, I urinated—in the toilet.
I stood and watched it make coffee. The coffee maker, not the toilet. That would be something, though, wouldn’t it?
The new looks for fall have arrived! This year, the economy being what it is, they’re actually the looks for summer, but with sweaters. Sweaters are very in right now! Try pairing one with the same office-casual shoes you’ve been wearing to work for the last three years, if you still have a job. Speaking of shoes, the ‘re-soled look’ is also very hot this season. There’s nothing like a glimpse of freshly-glued rubber peeping flirtatiously from the bottoms of your worn-out footwear to showcase your sense of style and practicality!
The Toaster
Breadphiles may finally rejoice in this new invention. For years, forced to hold their bread over fire, put it in the oven, or yell at it until it blushed brown with shame, breads fans the world over can now save time and money with what my sources call: “the Toaster.” Compact, lightweight, and able to fit on any countertop, one has to simply place the bread in the machine, depress the mechanical tray, and in minutes, fresh crispy warm toast is ready for whatever sugared spread is local to your town.
He was going to be Batman, and then he was going to be the Lone Ranger, and he even considered being the Man in the Yellow Hat, but his mother was pregnant, and the idea of waiting a year so that his sister could be George was brilliant, so out went the Man in the Yellow Hat, and out went Batman and the Lone Ranger, and one week before Halloween, he asked to be Max.
I have, for some years now, been accustomed to take a short walk in the evenings. During many of these I have had uncomfortable encounters with trees. Indeed, all encounters with trees are uncomfortable, if we are honest with ourselves. Such honesty is, however, rare and it is much more common that we choose to be oblivious to our own ineptitude in arboreal society. This merely compounds the problem.