Left Side of my Bed, Mission District, San Francisco, CA.

Rental is for the left side of my queen-sized bed in the heart of romantic San Francisco. The bed is located in my 400 square foot studio over a restaurant within easy walking distance to the rich history and culture of the Bay Area. The bed is the only piece of furniture in the room, so it gets a lot of use; as sofa, recliner, dining area. But after lights out it’s all about the sleeping.

The Multi-pocalypse!

Stay away from Cormac McCarthy/Octavia Butler novels, sharknadoes, anything with a whiff of zombies including corporate bookstores and public or college libraries (remember: zombies CAN sneak up on you! Be vigilant!).

A 12.6% unemployment rate among recent fine art graduates is not the worst statistic to be confronted with upon graduation.

Within that 12.6% lies an even higher number of lower job prospects – a number that hasn’t even been calculated before, because it is so sad. In fact, a recent statistic confirms that our university’s fine art program has more unemployed graduates right now than there are pedophiles looking for work as babysitters.

You’re at Café Chi-Chi. The ambience is affable. You sit across the table from your husband, partner, beloved, or cheatmate. He’s wearing Google I-Glasses, Prototype 3, Version 4.0. It’s 2017. People around act cool but secretly glance at him. You see the yearning, hungry looks.

“I won the glasses at the Google game-play day,” he says smoothly, his blue eyes shimmering. “Only three guests got them. The rest got ping-pong paddles. I’m going to OrangeRayTape you now, okay?”

Instructions: Please choose Yes or No in response to the following statements about yourself. If you are not sure how to answer, grab a coloring book instead. When you are done answering, press the “Score Me” button and your responses will be emailed to your mother, ex-spouse, and 7th-grade teacher so that all of their suspicions can be confirmed.