Please accept this letter as a formal notification that I am resigning from my position as a telesales operator with FDE Energy. I understand it is normal practice for staff to work a period of notice. However, as I am still waiting for two weeks’ worth of wages from overtime I don’t think that transition period is necessary so I will not be coming into work anymore. I packed all my belongings on Saturday when I was forced to work yet again, so my return is no longer necessary.

“I’m going to be a father,” says robot Karl Weindfeller. The 6’ 2” LED-eyed, copper-plated machine makes history as the first metal man to impregnate a human woman and lay claim to her unborn child. A customer service representative at Mueller Brewery, Weindfeller is suing his one-night partner and carrier of the fetus, Alexandra Bourne, for legal recognition as the daddy.

It’s no secret that Paris is one of the world’s truly magical getaway destinations. Renowned far and wide for its art, culture, and world-class dining, a Parisian vacation will soon have even the Beastliest visitor overcome by its Beauty. But in a city cock-full of so many amazing things to see, do and eat, how can anyone be sure that they’re making the most of their European adventure? Well, fear not “mon ami”—I’ve just gotten back from a three-day, two-night stay in “The City By The Lights,” and I’ve compiled the ultimate Insider’s Guide that will soon have you cheering “oui oui!” just like you were a local!

In 1968, Waiting for Bukowski was released to extreme critical and popular acclaim. The film followed the life of one Chuck B. Bukowski, a fire hydrant from Brooklyn, New York, and the woman he loved.

Dear feminists complaining about blue liquid in feminine hygiene commercials,

We accede to your demands and have heard your cries! No longer will we use blue liquid in tampon and pad commercials. Following the rupture of our respective eardrums after being nagged to death by the sound of your shrill voices, the men of Ladies’ Choice Feminine Care propose a peace offering.