Cartoon characters—after they have completely disappeared when falling into an abyss. There is no other surefire way to know a cartoon character is dead, so if you are ever wanting to kill one, ensure an abyss is nearby. 

You’re an A-hole really,
my optic nerve skewered

far into my cerebellum.
by this chastity belt for

the Web. Postage stamp
pictures, grainier than beach

sand, but missing warmth.

of opportunity when I can wash
my clothes in my building’s basement,
unhurried or without delay. Nine-to-fivers,
nodding off from routine, haunt

The geek I call “grocery boy” at Kroger is named Daniel.
No one nicknamed him or if they did it was Mars or Pluto
or Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good.

Any farmer will tell you:
Nothing clears land quite like a goat,
Save for a Bobcat—
The 3650 Utility Vehicle—not the mountain lion.