I know. It’s not actually Valentine’s Day. But it’s close.

The good thing about using organs as valentines is that they’re not wasted afterward. You can’t make a meat pie out of a shoebox full of cheap card-stock SpongeBob SquarePants valentines. Believe me. I’ve tried.

If you’re in any kind of sales profession, being able to sell is probably one of the most important aspects of your job. You need to take an object, any object, and force the customer into believing they need it. If they came into an electronics store thinking, “I could use a couple of D batteries,” I have to make sure they leave thinking, “Yes, I probably would have died without this programmable bionic android.” A large part of being a good salesman is the ability to scare people into buying robots.

Here’s how to make a ninja sandwich. I know you all understand the mechanics of sandwich construction, so I’ll just go over the ingredients.

You need bread, preferably sliced and not some sort of kaiser roll or pita. You’ll also need lettuce, raw onions, several thinly sliced pieces of dill pickle, mustard, mayonnaise, and a few dashes of ordinary black pepper. The ninja has to be small enough to fit between the slices of bread, and should be alive while eating to maintain its subtle ninja flavors.

I’m a consultant – that means that I was hired by an organization to do a job that the organization hired their own inept worker to do, but when they realized their worker was too lazy to do it, they just shelled out more money to a third party and BAM!  Here I is…. One

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