Seriously, guys, I don’t even know. These characters are all pretty damn phallic, which I swear was unintentional. They all started as stick figures once upon a time. Some people might think that when I start making penis jokes, I’m running out of ideas. In actuality, it means I’m just getting started. ;)

NEW YORK–The stock market continues to experience huge daily swings as traders remain unable to predict or understand the Dao Jones, analysts reported Tuesday.

Greetings viewers! Yes, I realize that this is indeed in print, so I should’ve addressed you as readers, but I figured you’d more than likely stick around to read this journalistic masterpiece to judge me for my apparent “botched” opening, but alas, I have tricked you. Now that you’ve taken the bait, you have no choice

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Psychic Rob might be psychic, and clairvoyant, and yes, even telekinetic, but until he learns to use those powers for something people find generally useful, they’re going to be little better than parlor tricks. Beautiful, hamburger-delivering parlor tricks.

It’s been a rainy summer this year. Maybe not cold and rainy, like it is in this comic, but rainy nonetheless. And that, my friends, is kind of a bummer.