Good morning, and welcome aboard Jetsky Airways flight 1015 to Seattle. We’ll be taking off momentarily, so at this time we ask you to disable and stow all electronic devices. Please keep in mind that cell phones may not be used on board the plane at any time. If you have a cell phone, it is to remain in your baggage, unused and alone, waiting for you to return, fighting feelings of resentment while still wondering if you’ll ever love it the same way you used to.

I’ve slept through a lot of things, but I don’t know if I could sleep through this. I’m thinking Winslow must have used some powerful drugs, which makes me wonder 1.) where he got them and 2.) where he was storing them, since his bedroom burned down last week. I don’t question how he got them. As usual, the assisting criminal element here was probably tiny clowns.

I want to write a book that will make a lot of people very angry. I call it Harry Goes to Disneyland. It will start with the protagonist, Harry, on an airplane, a baby behind him screaming. Then he will arrive at his destination: Disneyland! Only Disneyland is closed. The airplane will have lost his luggage, and the hotel his reservation. From there, things will go downhill. Harry will be forced to stay with his ex-wife’s parents, who will constantly ask him why a grown man wants to go to Disneyland by himself. (Their voices will be nasal, and I will write their speech in dialect.) Finally, on Harry’s last day in town, Disneyland will re-open. Harry will spend hours looking for a parking spot, and someone will hit his rental car. After completing two hours of paperwork, he will spend the rest of the day waiting in lines. Although he will get to go on a couple of rides, they will be incredibly disappointing. The novel will end with Harry back on a plane, another baby screaming. I am certain that this novel will sell millions.

Being able to make efficient use of my time and energy (or being lazy, whichever), I’m not fond of doing anything that involves: A) Me leaving my cave, B) Having to expend any extra energy on my part. So, when I do have to venture into the outside world, I have a set list of

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Believe it or not, I’m not the first person to have an idea like this. Or even draw it. Ben & Winslow fans with far more time to conjure story ideas have come up with stuff like this and this. I will lie and say I had this idea first, and they just beat me to it.