How I Spent My NaNoWriMo

Dec 4th, 2010 | By | Category: Columns

OMGFU guyz!!! NaNoWriMo just ended!!!

For all of you LOSERS who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it’s this awesome project that likes to capitalize words instead of just using a simple acronym. Also, it’s KOOL BRAS!!!

So, the object of the project it so write 50,000 words of a new novel in one month. This has been going on FOREVER, like, since 1999. OMG it’s almost as old as Harry Potter!!! Or me. YEAH!!!                                                         

This year, I decided to work with a writing group (me plus my SIMS family), to really hone my NaNo skills, and also reassure my parents that I was talking to SOMEONE, not just myself (or the druid that lives under my bed. HIGH BILL!!) 

AnyHoobastank, my awesome book is called THE SITH FAE DISAPPEARANCE ADVENTURE. It’s about Mary Sue la Fae, who everyone loves cuz she is so pretty. In fact, she’s so perfect she made me feel really bad about myself and i ended up eating two bags of Ruffles potato chips and a whole tray of brownies. Low self-esteem tastes delicious, u guyz! 

Here is a super-duper action excerpt in witch Mary Sue la Fae is going to be with Laughing Dog in Laughing Dog’s clockwork ornithopter high above the city of Steam Duck, fighting off a flock of steam-powered battle-ducks disgorged from Game Oveur’s war dirigible. Can Christian Bale save her?!?! 

Laughing Dog’s clockwork ornithopter rattled above the smoggy sky of Steam Duck, heading toward Monsieur Oveur’s opulent war dirigible, the Light Fantastique. Mary Sue la Fae held on to Laughing Dog’s waist, tight enough to stay aboard but not so tightly that Laughing Dog might sense the secret wellspring of love that bubbled beneath the larger, blacker wellspring of unrestrained hatred that bubbled above it. All the bubbling gave Mary Sue indigestion.

“Look!” she burped. “Something’s coming out of the dirigible!”

“Battle-quacks,” Laughing Dog intoned, his voice heavy with anger from that one time when his adoptive parents were killed by battle-quacks and also tuberculosis. “Looks like an entire flock of them. What do you think? Could you stop pinching my kidneys long enough to squeeze off some shots from your gun?”

“I can do better than that,” she said, her voice strained with feelings that might possibly be love but were also probably disdain. Her hand left Laughing Dog’s well-chiseled latissimus dorsi and grabbed the Book of Strangers she had stolen from the Duke. “I’ll summon a Stranger from the Other World and defeat those battle-quacks!”

She chose an incantation from the book, speaking the magic words as Laughing Dog maneuvered the ornithopter under the dirigible’s hull. The battle-quacks banked and followed, their steam engines belching trails of black smoke.

A void appeared, and from it came a mechanical cough and the line of a grapnel, which thudded into the hull above. Soon a figure, caped and hooded in black, swung from the void, flinging bat-shaped blades.

“I like his weapons!” said Laughing Dog.

“You’re gonna love me,” the Stranger rasped.
“I’ve summoned the Stranger Christian Bale in his guise at the Man Bat!” Mary Sue said in her proudest and sexiest voice. “We’ll win this fight!”

Laughing Dog watched Christian Bale with jealous eyes, the sort that would be green except they were really pale blue like sexy icebergs. He sighed. “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

There’s also ROMANCE)(*@#@!!!!! 

Mary Sue la Fae gazed into the piercing, squinty eyes of Christian Bale. He was sweating from his seven hours of push ups and leg lifts, and Mary Sue felt her insides melt as rapidly as the seven scoop ice cream cone she held in her hand. 

“We must control this passion between us,” Christian Bale growled. “before it consumes our very souls.” 

Mary Sue nibbled on the sprinkles of her ice cream and Christian Bale growled even more at this enticing erotic display. 

Mary Sue shivered. Would she have to take a restraining order out—against love? 

For serious, u guyz! This is totally the best novel I have ever written, more than even that one with David Bowie! I’m going to send this to every publisher EVER until someone buys it! I’m even working on a cover! IT’S GOT SCOWLING DUCKS ON IT OMG!!!1!!


Faeluver, Defenestration’s Fancologist, is presently writing slash fiction featuring characters from Kellogg’s cereal or something. And they’re vampires. She occasionally falls asleep dreaming about being cradled in Tony the Tiger’s strong, muscular arms, and then he bites her and turns her into a weretiger so they can have babies.

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