God hates me. And now I have proof.

See, there’s this guy. Cute. Awkward. I’m hoping smart. He’s caught my attention. But, because God must hate me, the list of reasons why we’d never work is depressingly long, so I hold no hope that anything beyond requisite pleasantries will ever transpire between us. And yet this guy short-circuits my brain like no one else has. When I get within 10 feet of him, my usually coherent mind vacates the premises and leaves a bumbling, babbling half-wit in its place, believing, I guess, that I won’t notice.

Do we really want to explore the possibilities of Winslow having children? Little Winslow is the closest thing he has to a son, but I don’t think miniaturized clones really count.

1. How do you welcome your new Mormon neighbors? (a) I tell them Mormons are the just the nicest people, then ask them to watch my dogs while I’m in Maui for a month. (b) I formulate a rescue plan that includes college football and a seven-layer bean dip when the husband slips me a

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This is a lot of vending machines full of products I’ve never seen before. I think Winslow and Kurt must still be in Japan.

In a statement to the press this week, Coca Cola reflected on the recent release of their new marketing campaign—“Share a Coke, Passive Aggressively.”