Here are some activities for anti-gay politicians to do while avoiding their craving for gay sex!

I’ve been working very closely with Ben and Winslow, trying to work out some merchandising options. So far Winslow’s only interested in edible stuff. The Ben & Winslow Pez dispenser is still a work in progress, sadly.

First, be antisocial. In kindergarten, when the teacher asks you to share crayons and play nicely with the other children, don’t. There’s no point. You don’t want to be friends with these fools who pick their noses and use their booger-smothered fingers to touch your back when you all play tag at recess. In fact, make sure you don’t play tag at recess.

I feel no shame in admitting that this happens to me. A lot.

1. Exploding Cargo: This ought to be your biggest concern, as the slightest vibration could lead to you being devoured in a hellish inferno. This is both frequently fatal and deeply inconvenient.