Privyet! Thank you for joining me on Facebook or YouTube. Now let me ask you: have you checked your bank account balance lately, Johnny or Joanna? Your nest egg is at the mercy of a government that may plunge the economy into a depression any day. If I were you, instead of a cyberbot activated by the Kremlin, I’d travel to Washington and storm the offices of the Federal Reserve, causing as much healthy mayhem as possible. Like the ritual of self-outing that you innocent and fun-loving westerners call full disclosure, it’s the American way.

Don’t try this at home, kids.

It’s not every day a highly specialized composting toilet is purchased as a wedding gift. I mean, nothing says “this marriage is forever!” quite like a composting toilet. But alas, much like seeing undigested corn in my fecal containment area, I was confused by a lot of things in your marriage.

———– Papercuts are the worst. I gave myself a really nasty one when I was cleaning up my old house as I prepared to move into my new one. I did exactly what Winslow does here: I reached into a box filled with papers without really paying attention and gave myself one helluva papercut. And

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Celebrated Bayville Middle School substitute teacher, Charlie Craver, is at the center of some controversy recently, after accidentally exposing himself to a student as she was cutting across his property on her way home from the bus stop.