“Rainbow Cookie Down,” by Maryann Aita

Jul 11th, 2018 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Saturday. July 11, 2015.

20:47: I arrive home from a friend’s family party with an army of dessert. Despite my declarations that “fifteen cookies is really too much,” I was assigned a slice of peanut butter cake intended to feed three grown men, two rainbow cookies, two cheesecake brownie squares, and a chocolate chip cupcake with cream cheese frosting. In the confusion, I also volunteered to bring home a loaf of French bread.

20:49: I examine the dessert plate company and consider eating a rainbow cookie. I reconsider after remembering that I already ate three that night. And a slice of peanut butter cake. And two helpings of eggplant parm.

20:59: Bedtime. The dessert plate remains undisturbed, although the French bread is broken in half (for easier transport).

Sunday. July 12, 2015.

12:00: Rainbow cookie down. Repeat: rainbow cookie down. With my guilt, and stomachache, now assuaged, I sacrificed one of the multicolored cookie-cakes as a mid-morning snack/breakfast. It was delicious.

12:01: The rest of the dessert plate is uncompromised.

15:30: I wound a cheesecake brownie square in a surprise attack. Well, surprise for the brownie. Tastiness: quite good. Outlook: indeterminable.

20:42: Second and final rainbow cookie down, a casualty of a phone call with my parents. As the aural ambush from my parents continues, the peanut butter cake suffers several stab wounds. While its injuries don’t appear fatal, the damage to the confection, and my arteries, may be irreversible.

20:26: I also make a sandwich to bring to work the next day. In my point of view, I’ve saved half the French bread from the fate of becoming stale.

20:52: I abduct the chocolate chip cupcake then realize my phone conversation may be over. I return the cupcake to its dessert friends. Moments later, boredom sets in. I eat the cupcake. Tastiness: very.

21:00: Cupcake wrapper disposed of in garbage can.

Monday. July 13, 2015.

06:14: Peanut butter cake and first cheesecake square are stable. Second cheesecake square remains the last uncompromised dessert. I consider eating one as I feed my cat, but the desire for fifteen more minutes of sleep wins out.

19:48: I arrive home to find the remaining French bread stale. Body disposed.

20:27: Cheesecake brownie square condition worsens. Because I take a bite out of it.

20:28: Cheesecake brownie down followed quickly by another peanut butter cake massacre. It’s fatally wounded. Will likely not survive until morning. I anticipate another bout of boredom.

22:59: Final cheesecake square remains intact. I’ve had enough cheesecake brownie. The peanut butter cake nearly devoured. I feel kind of bad for leaving so little of it, but am also trying to convince myself I have some degree of self-control.

Tuesday. July 14, 2015.

10:18: Dessert plate outlook: grim.

19:12: Remaining troops abducted in surprise, pre-dinner attack. Peanut butter cake repeatedly wounded. Cheesecake square dead on impact. Peanut butter cake last survivor (barely).

19:16: Peanut butter cake down.

19:17: Dessert Plate Company down. All killed in action. All will be honored for their service.


Maryann Aita is a writer and performer in Brooklyn, New York. Her work has appeared in The Exposition ReviewThe CollapsarBig Muddy, and others. Her original TV pilot, The Matchbreaker, won the Best Comedy Pilot at the 2016 Broad Humor Film Festival. She’s been a featured performer at The PIT’s StoryFest, the Sisters Reading Series,and the Sarah Lawrence College Poetry Festival. Maryann has a BA in psychology from NYU and an MFA in writing from Sarah Lawrence College.  Her website:   http://maryannaita.com


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