New issue coming December 20th, 2019!

Santa and his various incarnations have had all sorts of helpers, followers, and hangers-on. Today, Ben and Winslow would like to share some of those individuals with you.

Yesterday I ate 3 pieces of cheesecake, 1 cannoli, 1 can of sardines and drank 3 pellagrino blood orange sodas.  That’s it. Oh wait. I smoked a pack of cigarettes. I’ve been waiting around for the important thought, although I don’t have important thoughts. I sit for hours thinking nothing in particular, looking at the dogs sleeping on chairs and sofas and the sun moving across the rug.

She’s going to be really mad when she realizes all that extra tape was unnecessary.

Open mics are to self-help what Columbine was to school spirit: A step in the wrong direction.

Big laugh. Meta as hell. Enough time has passed to where it works. Crowd loves it. They carry me out of there like Rudy.