In this limited edition of the The Collected Poetry of Algernon Theodore Ruthven you have acquired an example of the very finest techniques and materials available in the making of books today, a fitting tribute to the poetry of this brilliant reclusive poet. 

Ping Pong Net Re-Stringer: Temp-to-Hire Contract Position—Seeking a self-starter with strong attention to detail and at least 5 years of experience in the ping pong, fishing, and/or shoestring industries to re-string ping pong nets in local tech company breakroom.

Like most people, Winslow thinks coin currency is outdated and totally uncool.

It was the biggest pack of hotdogs he’d ever seen. Unbelievable is what he thought at first. Denial of his sensory input. Following disbelief was disgust, followed again by denial. It couldn’t be, like a conundrum wrapped paradoxically in plastic.

I don’t really understand the significance of these numbers but Ben and Winslow assure me that they’re hilarious.