Looks can be deceiving. Or they might not be deceiving at all and we’re all willfully ignoring how scary and weird everything is because we’re getting frozen yogurt.

When boiled to the bone, traditional folk songs skew toward the dark side. Below are loglines that summarize the plots of a representative selection of actual folk songs whose lyrics would harsh anyone’s mellow.

Pepperidge Farm remembers. Pepperidge Farm never forgets and never forgives.

Clark had me at “Please don’t be too sketchy”. There were no pictures of the place, which should have alarmed me, but did not. We texted for a little while. He finally sent pictures. Not the Ritz, but cute and economical. I asked to add him on Facebook to ensure he was not a serial killer. In retrospect, I bet Ted Bundy would have had a very endearing internet presence.

It’s important to do your best. Just remember that there are always risks involved. Always.