Commitment is an act, not a word. Now, I want you two to demonstrate the love you share, right here in the office.
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Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you. If you want to move forward in your marriage, you need to get over that little incident at the motel.
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All human actions are equivalent and all are on principle doomed to failure. But just remember, you’re both on this voyage together.
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Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have. On the other hand, you’ve got to drop that shoulda-coulda-woulda thinking about your partner’s changing jobs. It’s not healthy.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live. That’s why you should buy my book Being and Nothingness.
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Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance. Stop calling your partner irrational when they cry while watching Steel Magnolias.
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We must act out passion before we can feel it. That’s why I’ve prepared these emotion modeling exercises for you.
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Hell is other people. Your partner’s friends and family are part of the whole deal.
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If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company. It’s not the end of the world when the other person has to be away for a couple of weeks.
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Neither sex, without some fertilization of the complimentary characters of the other, is capable of the highest reaches of human endeavor. Must I spell it out for you? E-M-P-A-T-H-Y.
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A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost. Are you really ready to give up on fifteen years of marriage, just like that?
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It is only in our decisions that we are important. This is true even if it’s just agreeing to wash the dishes after someone else has cooked a nice dinner.
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Acting is a question of absorbing other people’s personalities and adding some of your own experience. That’s why we say that couples begin to resemble each other after a while, and that’s not a bad thing.
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No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point. To put your problems in perspective, how would you feel if the other one suddenly passed into the hereafter?
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Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat. Unemployment can be a real strain on a relationship.
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One cannot become a saint when one works sixteen hours a day. You might consider cutting back your hours and spending more time with the family.
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The best work is not what is most difficult for you; it is what you do best. That’s what you two need to figure out for next Tuesday.
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As I once wrote to a dear friend, “Try to understand me: I love you while paying attention to external things. I love you with the window open.” Open relationships can sometimes be beneficial. You can ask the therapist Dr. Simone de Beauvoir about that.
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David Galef has had humor published in places including the old British Punch and Spy magazine to The American Bystander, Points in Case, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Satirist, Weekly Humorist, Inside Higher Ed, and last but in no way least, Defenestration. Since almost every humorist needs a day job, he’s a professor of English and the creative writing program director at Montclair State University. His book of flash fiction, Death Comes to the CEO and Other Fiction, is coming out this September.