Spiders. Some people love them. Some people hate them. Winslow dates them. Or one of them, at least. And despite his girlfriend being a doctor and a queen, she hides a terrible secret!

Broadway producers are always on the lookout for the Next Big Thing, and I’ve got it for you: Throw Momma From the Train: The Musical. Everybody loves the late ‘80s, and everybody loves musicals, and everybody wants to murder old ladies, so this is a sure-fire hit.

My mother-in-law works near a chicken place that makes some pretty amazing sandwiches, and my eldest son is an expert at convincing her to go and get him one. And my mother-in-law, kindhearted person that she is, always picks up something for me and my wife, too. That’s why she’s awesome. Winslow clearly lives near a similar chicken place. Maybe even the same chicken place? I’m not entirely sure.

Welcome to your favorite chain grocery store! You may notice we’re in a bit of disarray this week. That’s because we’re implementing a fantastic new layout to improve your retail experience. And guess what? We don’t give a fuck what you think about it.                 

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! I hope your day is filled with smoochin’.