I swear, Googling myself was an act of laziness rather than ego. I’d accepted but not started a new job, and I needed to find out my exact title. (Is it marketing and communications coordinator, or communications and marketing? That’s the kind of thing a communications and marketing coordinator, or even a marketing and communications coordinator, should get right.) I could have found the offer letter in my email, but my inbox looks like Jane Austen’s rage room, and my new employer had hinted that they might be making a public announcement, so I thought an online search might be the way to go.

Broadway producers are always on the lookout for the Next Big Thing, and I’ve got it for you: Throw Momma From the Train: The Musical. Everybody loves the late ‘80s, and everybody loves musicals, and everybody wants to murder old ladies, so this is a sure-fire hit.