The Chairman introduced the first agenda item, ‘The Increased Cost of Stationery.’ He drew attention to the fact that using more than one pen, mislaying pens, vandalising pens through chewing, and opening new boxes of pens before it was necessary was resulting in an increased cost to the business.

FJ explained that although he acknowledged that the use and misuse of pens was an issue, the Committee should also consider the use and misuse of staples and staplers, paper, particularly photocopying paper that everyone thought they had a right to, and pencils.

I’m so glad I actually get a Valentine’s Day that falls on a Friday. That means I get to make an appropriately romantic comic strip. Muahahahaha!

I want to talk about hunger.

There’s an old saying that you may have heard. Too often we miss the forest for the trees. Because: there are too many goddamn trees. So many trees, way too many trees. That’s why the humane thing to do is to allow hunters to periodically and metaphorically “prune” them, because sometimes—maybe even most of the time—the only way to save something is to kill it.

So here we are: The first truly violent strip of the New Year. Revel in its goriness, you sick bastards!

Dan is my best friend but sometimes I catch him picking his nose and flicking his boogers at my windshield.

“Stop doing that. I can see you.”

“I didn’t—“

“I saw you!”

But now he’s depressed so when I catch him I don’t make fun of him for it as much.