Prose VI.VII
“You Are Finding Love,” by Michael Minassian
As Mr. James walked into the airport terminal after passing through Colombian customs, he spotted a hastily scrawled cardboard sign with the words: Marrying Wifes. The sign was being held by a thin man wearing a chauffeur’s uniform and a New York City policeman’s cap. Mr. James edged crabwise, dragging his suitcase behind, and said [...]
“How Timmy Rhineblatt Got His Name on the New Student Fun-Center” or “Why You Shouldn’t Use Used Flux Capacitators,” by Tom Johns
“Um, Professor Defrancesco, I don’t think the flux capacitator is on right?” “It’s fine son, it’s just fine, now go on with your symposium presentation!” “Um…OK…um, Professor Defrancesco, is it supposed to be that color? “That’s perfectly natural, son–” Ten minutes later, after Jenny Blotnick is rushed to the hospital with a flux capacitator lodged [...]
“Cookin’ MCs Like a Pound of Bacon,” by Jeff Kass
Motherfuckers gotta represent. Yeah, I’m White, so what? White like a piece of Xerox paper dunked in a barrel of bleach. I’m White like vanilla ice cream if you take the flavoring out. I mean, there’s not even any vanilla in my shit, fake or natural. I’m just pure no-color fucked-up White. I’m so White [...]
“Amahl and the Night Rider,” by Jenny Piersol
When people ask me where I live, I tell them that I’m a professional nomad. It’s not so far from the truth. Such is the life of a non-equity actress, hopping from actors’ housing in Clarksville, TN to rented beach houses in Ocean City, NJ, for the sake of the stage. I’ve never minded the [...]
“Transcript of a Moderated Discussion on the Relative Success of Competing Explanations of the Origins of Humankind, Between Gideon and Darwin, Circa 2009,” by Murray Brozinsky
Moderator: Ladies and Gentlemen, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Agnostics, Fanatics, and members of the Kansas Board of Education, we have a rare treat for you this evening. {Jeers from the audience} Since the presidential candidates declined an invitation to participate in debate, invoking the confidentiality of Skull and Bones, we had to scramble to fill [...]
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