All entries by this author

“Forget the P’s and Q’s: Mind your C’s and K’s, A Cautionary Note for Prospective Parents,” by John S. Walters

Jul 18th, 2018 | By

I am a lifelong liberal of good standing, with impeccable credentials. On one issue, however, I am an unabashed Goldwater conservative. If there’s one thing that raises my ancient hackles, it’s whenever I see the names Cathy and Casey defiled with a K. Why do parents of the newborn err so egregiously? Why favor the fraudulent over the authentic, particularly in matters of enduring importance?



Wonderbroth

Jul 13th, 2018 | By

My wife an I eat a lot of pho. My wife is particularly obsessed with it, and we’ve got so many Vietnamese restaurants nearby that it’s really easy to grab some on the way home from work or school or the gas station or the grocery store or 7-11 or wherever else we might be. I don’t like to think about how much money we’ve spent on pho.



“Rainbow Cookie Down,” by Maryann Aita

Jul 11th, 2018 | By

20:47: I arrive home from a friend’s family party with an army of dessert. Despite my declarations that “fifteen cookies is really too much,” I was assigned a slice of peanut butter cake intended to feed three grown men, two rainbow cookies, two cheesecake brownie squares, and a chocolate chip cupcake with cream cheese frosting. In the confusion, I also volunteered to bring home a loaf of French bread.



Nice Eyeball, Eyeball

Jul 6th, 2018 | By

Alternate title: “Scott Summers.”



“What We Learned From Honesty Day,” by Todd Mercer

Jul 4th, 2018 | By

The First Annual Honesty Day was a complete bust. Yes, even I acknowledge that. We all lived through the turmoil, so we all know of what I speak. No one foresaw the tsunami of crushed dreams and ruined marriages and prosecutions.



Buried, But Not Forgotten

Jun 29th, 2018 | By

Winslow likes to set his mistakes on fire, so I figured it would be constructive to show another way in which you, gentle viewer, can deal with adversity. If fire isn’t your thing (and I don’t recommend that one), then maybe burial is a better, less destructive option? I’ll let you decide.



“Society’s Really Gone Downhill since the Apocalypse Happened,” by Daniel Galef

Jun 27th, 2018 | By

I won’t hold no truck with any of this rude bunch, these kids today. No, I may not keep up with technology or current events or the supreme edicts of the inhuman god-emperors, but I stand by the idea that people of my generation were just plain more courteous, and had a modicum of common sense, to boot, which you won’t find one whit of in today’s crowd, I’ll have you know.



Swipe Right As Fast As You Can

Jun 22nd, 2018 | By

Kurt has had a very active dating life, so this particular pairing really doesn’t surprise me at all. This relationship might actually work out as long as he stays away from milk and always carries an umbrella.



“Full Disclosure: I Am a Russian Cyberbot Lurking on Your Social Media,” by Mike Fowler

Jun 20th, 2018 | By

Privyet! Thank you for joining me on Facebook or YouTube. Now let me ask you: have you checked your bank account balance lately, Johnny or Joanna? Your nest egg is at the mercy of a government that may plunge the economy into a depression any day. If I were you, instead of a cyberbot activated by the Kremlin, I’d travel to Washington and storm the offices of the Federal Reserve, causing as much healthy mayhem as possible. Like the ritual of self-outing that you innocent and fun-loving westerners call full disclosure, it’s the American way.



Geode Dude

Jun 15th, 2018 | By

Don’t try this at home, kids.