All entries by this author

Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

Sep 15th, 2017 | By

This was just another excuse to draw panel after panel of weird facial expressions. Because sometimes that just how I roll. Also, I’m contractually obligated to engage in toilet humor at least once a year, so I figured I’d finally check that off my to-do list.



“New listings on RentMyCar.com!” by Vijay Ilankamban

Sep 13th, 2017 | By

Nissan GT-R (2014)

Looking for renters! For only $35 a day, you can rent out my beautiful 4-seat Nissan GT-R. This impressive luxury car is safe to drive, excellent on gas, and with less than 40,000 miles on it, has still managed to hit & kill 454 deer. If you’re looking for some peace and quiet, this is definitely the car for you. The Nissan GT-R is a very quiet drive, so you’ll barely hear any noise when you slam into deer after deer on your drive to the grocery store, to the laundry pickup, or to the end of your driveway and back. The Nissan GT-R also comes with a powerful sunroof, Bluetooth connectivity and a first-class navigation system, in case you’re trying to track down and wipe out an entire family of deer that are on the run from you. Contact me to rent out this beautiful car!



Winslow Mansplains It All

Sep 8th, 2017 | By

Winslow strikes me as the kind of person who would mansplain everything, all the time, even if he really had no idea what he was talking about–no, especially if he had no idea what he was talking about. He would mansplain childbirth to a mother of four, he would mansplain economics to an entrepreneur with worldwide business interests, he would mansplain space travel to a NASA scientist with 15 years of experience.



“Letter to the Editor: An Impassioned Plea for Assistance in Locating My Supermarket Soul Mate,” by Brent Hearn

Sep 6th, 2017 | By

Dear Editor,

This is the first time I’ve ever written a “letter to the editor.” Though I must confess I’m not a subscriber to your newspaper, I have been known to peruse its contents at the library. I am a big fan of the in-depth coverage you provide of the Saturday night races at our local “speedway.” And ever since my social media accounts were suspended (for various unfounded reasons too trivial to mention), your “police blotter” provides a means for me to keep up with the various goings-on of my friends, coworkers, and former classmates.



Save the Date

Sep 1st, 2017 | By

Some people are not meant to be in romantic relationships. At the top of that list is Winslow.



“This Emergency Spill Response Will Officially Kick-Off Once Domino’s Delivers Those 746 Party Pizzas,” by Jack Caseros

Aug 30th, 2017 | By

Can I get everyone’s attention?

My name is Terry Clemette, and I am your Operations Sections Chief. It’s a big group, please get in close. Closer, please. We have a lot of material to cover.



Airport Baggage

Aug 25th, 2017 | By

When Winslow gets on a human airplane he has to use a booster seat or, on one memorable occasion, stowaway in the overhead compartment.



“Sidewalk Minimalist Renounces Soapbox in Favor of Just Jumping Really High,” by Gretchen Uhrinek

Aug 23rd, 2017 | By

ASHEVILLE, NC. A local sidewalk minimalist has renounced his soapbox in favor of just jumping really high, reports say. Nic Haines, a minimalist known for his impassioned diatribes against materialism, says he now feels freer than ever.



Defenestration: August 2017

Aug 20th, 2017 | By

Sometimes these months (and even days) sneak up on you, but here we are: the August 2017 issue of Defenestration, the halfway point in our 14th volume, if you can believe it (you can’t). And what do we have for you? Another issue filled with the weird, the absurd, and the hilarious. We’re going to

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“All Star,” by Luka Watts

Aug 20th, 2017 | By

The only thing to have survived the apocalypse is a recording of All Star by Smash Mouth. And language and grammar, because the man transcribing my story couldn’t be bothered to think of new grammatical and linguistic rules for a story he isn’t interested in. I imagine he listened to All Star and figured out the old ones or something. It upset me to hear he wasn’t interested in my story, because I think it’s quite good.