Archive for January, 2008
Defenestration: January 2008
You can’t stop the Defenestration train once it starts moving. You need to either jump on board or get the hell out of the way. The January 2008 issue is here, and it’s already taken out fifteen cows! January is that time of the year where we get to hear about all the movies that [...]
3 Poems by Tom Noe
Untitled Limerick A message arrives via media, Inducing immediate tedia. Don’t take it as such, For who knows how much Subliminal media fedia? Poetry Deadline You’ve a deadline to meet but your mind is replete with all manner of secular notions, And your editor swears that there’s no one who dares to reject all his [...]
“Infer-no,” by Megan Roth
In Hell it is always the holidays. The cheer-drone of Christmas music Jing jing jingles through the overstocked Dust pungent grocery aisles. The bagel store is always out of whole wheat, The lunch specials always ended an hour ago, And rain sounds like an Alabama radio show. And there is coffee dripping down the side [...]
“Everyone Has One in Them,” by Digby Beaumont
“You’ll never make anything of yourself, Brian Boggis.” That’s what my old teacher used to tell me – which always felt a bit strange as my name’s Brian Pollock. Still, I’m sure he meant well. But you know what? I think I’m about to prove him wrong. I’m writing a novel. A thriller. They say [...]
“Dangerous Liaison,” by Bill Freeland
I’m beginning to have this uncomfortable feeling that I’ve been cheating on my wife. It began a couple of months with a website offering information on “how to catch a cheating spouse.” Harmless enough – until you read the warning signs: 1. Spouse has been hiding the cell phone or ducking into another room to [...]
“Putting the ‘Living’ Back in Living Dead: A Warmhearted Zombie Memoir,” by Marianne Hess
As soon as that nice young man dug me up and stole my diamond rings, I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t just that I’d been placed in a narrow coffin and dropped into the murky abyss of the earth, or that all my blood had been pumped out and replaced with embalming fluid, or [...]
“Upcoming Titles in Sylvester Stallone Movie Franchises,” by John Frank Weaver
Tango: Cashed Out Sylvester Stallone stars in this sequel to the smash 1989 hit, Tango and Cash. Set almost twenty years after the original, Ray Tango (Stallone) and Gabe Cash (Kurt Russell) have risen as partners to the top of the L.A.P.D. However, a freak traffic accident crushes Cash’s mind, sending him on a violent [...]
“The President and the Pear,” by Eric Suhem
A pear sat adrift in the banks of snow, incongruous, out-of-place, but as the ice melted, the pear rolled along the ground, ending up in a pile of wastepaper at the foot of the White House. A janitorial engineer wondered whether it was eatable, decided ‘No’, and tossed it over his shoulder through a west [...]
“Step One Towards Buyer’s Remorse,” by Andrew Kaye
———— Andrew Kaye is better known as the editor-in-chief of this magazine.
“Butt Implants,” found by the Defenestration Crew
This is a single-page manual for a computer. It hasn’t been doctored in any way, save the removal of any company logos. It looks innocent at first glance, but then you notice something odd about the stick figure in the first panel. Why the hell does a stick figure have an ass?! ———— The Defenestration [...]
Categories
Site Meter
