(^ヮ^) Hey YouTube! Guess what today is? It’s murumple day!

Pearl Gleeson squinted
into the sunset and mashed the gas pedal
to the floor. The glare should have been blinding, but with her cataracts, it
was only a mild discomfort. In fact, this was
the best she’d seen in years—almost as if the setting sun had enhanced
her eyesight.

“I’ve got Superman
vision,” she cackled as her engine roared. “And no one steals Superman’s cream whipper, bitch.”

A punk with a safety through his nose shoved his way to the front of the crowd, snatched Gilbert’s mandolin from his fingers and snapped it over his knee. The rest of us stopped short in the middle of the song we were playing and gaped, the open strings of my Rickenbacker still ringing out.

Had you a larger fleshy part
This pond would be my shopping cart.
I’d quit my job and live in ease
While I collected recipes.
I’d file them, and my list would span
From Bobby Flay to Jacques Pepin:
Exotic, simple, locavore
Thai, French, fresh, fusion, thermidor.

An average dude with saxophone
can make a whole room swoon,
sadly this is not the case
for same dude with bassoon.