GravityGhost posts a photo of himself
in his bathroom mirror looking
excited in his tight gray sweatpants
MrRightNow doesn’t date women as old as me
even though I’m not as old as him
RayBan wants a “nasty girl”
but probably not a Nasty Woman

Billed No. 2, the potatoes
to Keanu’s steak and you wait

“For a successful marriage,” the grandmother said,” Always argue in the nude.”

once never future husbands grilled
burgers and explained internal combustion,
while stroking red and black Craftsman drills
and popping Viagra and statins.

I am not a poet. I am a lawyer.
Why? Because I’d rather
make money, which I do. Well,